Nov 20, 2017

My experience with sleep paralysis hallucinations...

>>A lot of what i'm about to say to a lot of the potential readers, is going to be old news.

If you've been following my journey from the beginning of all this way back in 2012ish you may remember i used to work the night shift at my job-place then come home and work on Welcome to Normality until i eventually fell asleep around 5 in the morning. This was my routine and it certainly had its negative effects on me like dizzy spells and constantly being "followed" by people in my peripheral vision.
For the sake of my health and being able to spend time with my wife and son i switched to the morning shift. This put me at work at 4am and able to be home with my family by 1pm. (and its a typical schedule i have still to this day)
Then the nightmares started. Working on WtN until i passed out from exhaustion prevented me from experiencing or remembering dreams, but when i started getting regular sleeping hours that all changed. Every single night (nearly) for the past 4 years i have had horrible nightmares, and things much worse than that, but i'll explain that in a moment...
Some nights they're simply "bad dreams" and i can forget them easily and dont even bother to bring them up, but most of the time it involves my children being taken from me in one way or another. If you dont have kids of your own, i hate to be that guy, but you REALLY dont know what its like to live with this fear. Most of the time in the nightmares, they scream and scream and i can still hear the screaming. The confusion and terror in my little babies cries makes me wish i would just die already.
On the worse nights i wake myself up. This is worse because when i finally fall back to sleep the torment will either continue where it left off or my bastard brain will think of some new torture.
Then came the twins.
What a wonderful first few months! I cant tell you how happy i was to be getting interrupted sleep, every 30 minutes it was either one or the other needing a bottle or diaper or something to keep me from dreaming. It sounds terrible that one of the "new parents" biggest complaints was my biggest relief, but its true. Well, now that they are over a year old they're starting to sleep through the night again.
Now comes the "things much worse" part.
Way back i posted somewhere (either here or deviantART) my experience i had as a child with "aliens". I, for the fuck of it, couldnt find this post, so to summarize... When i was a wee lad i would still sleep in the same bed as my mom, i woke up one night to two tall white figures with large black eyes standing at the foot of my bed. They weren't scary (at the time) and they reached out and took my hands. I then remember my mom holding me whilst i was crying saying the monsters had taken me. A few days or so later i was watching a hit tv show "Unsolved Mysteries" and instantly broke down crying when they discussed a case about an alien abduction and showed the dramatic reenactment aliens. I remember (and my mom remembers this, too) pointing out that those were the monsters who had taken me and that i had never seen anything about aliens before that moment.
Whats this got to do with nightmares?
About a year ago i found out about sleep paralysis hallucinations. Ive known about sleep paralysis for some time and have actually experienced it myself (more often than i had realized). Before finding out about the hallucinations, i had just thought it was some weird type of lucid dreaming that happened to everybody.
My examples being simple, i would wake up, try to move, realize i was still paralyzed, panic slightly and wait to regain control of my body. I honestly thought this was normal until last year when i found out that only 20 or 30% of people surveyed had had these experiences.
The people who hallucinate oddly seem to all see the same set of things. An old hag. Shadow men. Tall white figures with black eyes. Finding out about this started a wildfire of curiosity and weeks of further research on my part.
Ive found several theorists that seem to think its people being abducted by aliens and some of the memory is slipping through or, you know, general bat-shit.
But i have a theory of my own. I believe humans and the human brain try their damnedest to rationalize and make explanations for the unknown. I believe that "ALIENS" as pop culture depicts them is a byproduct of the human brain trying to put a face to sleep paralysis. Think about it, i was a kid who had never seen aliens before yet i could describe them exactly as the media would. So no, they werent aliens at first, just tall white figures with black spots, probably from a glare, eye floaters, or general distortion the imagination creates when you look into the dark. I think enough people saw these white figures in their sleep and decided it HAD TO BE real.
Anyway, conspiracy theory out of the way...
So i now blame nearly every unexplained encounter on my fucked up sleep paralysis hallucinations. The time when i was a kid was the ONLY time i had ever seen anything during my paralysis up until recently. While living in the apartments i awoke to find a glowing soft-orange disc above our bed, i managed to yell "FUCK" which woke up my wife and got the disc to go away.
And now... The bathroom door in the hallway, it is just a door, not a shadow man... until i fall asleep. I am fully aware he isnt real but still he watches me and he's been watching me for the past month and i feel like im losing my mind. I havent told my wife about it because i dont want her to worry but im making this post because i HAVE to say something to anyone willing to read this.
I've been trying to stay up late and i avoid going to bed, but my wife keeps falling asleep on the couch and insists we go to bed early where we both work the morning shift. I want to be mad at her for making me go to bed at a reasonable time, but that makes me feel like a piece of shit because she isnt really doing anything wrong. She doesnt know about the man in the hallway and i dont want her to, but i still resent her for it.
The fuck is wrong with me?

Nov 15, 2017

Weekly Video Roundup 111517

Wife's Chili

Dutch Apple Pie

Django Under a Black Light

Really need to catch up on some work, also got a few things i want to "talk about" on here. I'll be back.

Nov 6, 2017

Weekly Video Roundup 110617

Visual Log October 2017


November Patreon Sketch time lapse 1 of 1

Dry Rub Chicken Wings: FOOD TIME Episode 8

Crafting a Tire Swing: Doin Things Episode 3

Holy Chet! Thass some videos! To be fair, some of these videos are older than a week old but feck it. We gots a Visual Log for October, the promo video for that Final Harvest thing (today is the last day of that BTW), another Patreon Sketch time lapse video, a chicken wings food time, and a tire swing doin things!
Phew! Would you like to receive your own TimTheScarecrow signed sketch in the mail? Consider joining my baswe ass Patreon! I post ERRYTHING there!

Oct 2, 2017

Weekly Video Roundup 100217

Visual Log September 2017

TimTheScarecrow channel logos 2012-2017

LETS GO to The Orchard!

October Patreon Sketch time lapse 1 of 1

I wont be including the INKtober Sketch videos in these weekly video roundup posts cuz... theres gonna be a lot. If you REALLY care aboot em though, why not subscribe to my channel on YouTube? Or even follow me on Twitter... or something drastic like support me on Patreon?

Sep 25, 2017

Weekly Video Roundup 092517

Feeding My Albino Corn Snake

Giving Myself a Coffee Cup Tattoo

How I Pick Up and Handle My Asian Forest Scorpion

A snake, tattoo, and a scorpion... normal stuff, right? Visual Log coming tomorrow!
If you're wondering why i made the scorpion one... im no expert but i do see bad advice given to scorpion owners A WHOLE FECK TON OF A LOT and i feel that with great power comes great responsatility.

Sep 18, 2017

Weekly Video Roundup 091817

My Reptiles 2017

Feeding My Asian Forest Scorpion

Doin animal videos for the next lil bit, then October will be pretty intense with the uploading, and expect some FOOD TIME in November!

Aug 7, 2017

Found an art thief! ...yay

This companion cube design thing is getting out of hand...
You're probably here knowing what my style is and how I tend to create "rough" looking art. Well as ive mentioned a couple times before I applied my style to the famous Companion Cube from Portal. Apparently my rendition of the character blew right the fuck up and is EVERYWHERE now!
Yay right? Kinda.
Ive seen 2 separate strangers get my design tattooed and credited me for the design which is insanely flattering since its just fan art, ya know? Not to mention tons of other artists doing THEIR renditions of other things in MY style claiming that "this design was inspired by TimTheScarecrow and his art"... which is also really fecking flattering!

But now I see on redbubble theres at least one person selling my exact design in sticker form... and claiming he is the original artist. WHAT THE ACTUAL HORSE FUCK!?!

I don't give a rats ass if people sell my artwork and make the moneys off of it... just don't lie about who made it. I filed a copyright complaint with redbubble and im hoping something gets done about it cuz that shit is whack!

Heres the original post of my artwork on deviantART

and here is "his" work

he just cropped out the poem! No editing to the picture, no re draw, nothing! mother fuck this makes me mad.
Here is a fine example of something that "irritates me" but doesn't make me want to punch holes in walls...

This guy is clearly inspired by my stylized portrayal of the character, he doesn't give me any credit for the design, but to be honest he doesn't need to. He took the design and RE DREW it. Which is perfectly okay. Does it irritate me that I got no credit? A little, barely. Cuz this guy made it his own. Not like the cum bubble above who just straight up took my painting and cropped it into a sticker.

EDIT: Just got a confirmation email from redbubble, they are looking into it.

Jul 2, 2017

Someone ELSE got my Portal fan art tatted!

This guy right here.
He left a comment on my last post about someone getting this tattooed saying he had just got this done yesterday and left a link to this!
This is super awesome and really (for some reason) means a lot to me.
His Blogger name was "Unknown" so i wont post his name or anything.
>> unless otherwise told <<

Jun 19, 2017

Weekly Video Roundup 061917

Aliens Exposed!

Chip Lancer Teaser

Creamy Lemon Pepper Chicken Pasta: FOOD TIME Episode 6

Woot woot! This week had some interesting uploads. Another FOOD TIME along with a teaser trailer for The Daring Adventures of Chip Lancer, Space Salesman! ...and some weird conspiracy theory? Dafuq?
I've got a visual log coming and maybe another video or two and that'll be a wrap up before the "mid-season break" or whatever im calling it.
As always im posting even more (and secret) content on my Patreon, so you should check that out if you want more!

Jun 12, 2017

Jun 8, 2017

Beekeeping Update #1 (already!?!)

Today was my first day in an apiary!
I went to the local orchard and talked to the owner about shadowing him over the summer and offering some free labor when it came to working with the bees. As hoped, he was pleased to see that i was taking an interest and was really open to the idea of help!
So feck yes!
checking out the boxes with no suit, like a bawse
I noticed a secret bee gathering goin down
 The Reed Valley Orchard here in town is so gorgeous and it isnt even in full swing yet, they just opened up today and i cant wait until he calls me back to work with the bees!

Jun 5, 2017

How being "productive" has changed me so far...

A while back I decided to tackle the "lets take this thing seriously" challenge. I'm constantly creating, constantly working on something, coming up with more and more projects that keep getting grander and more time consuming, and im loving it!
You've seen me, and you know me...
I "started out" as an animator. I did that lil thing, what was it 'Welcome to Normality', right? From there I went on to do a short comic series turned 110 page graphic novel. Doing all that while slowly pulling together the pieces needed for my feature film starring marionettes 'The Freaks of LampCord'...
Just saying, ive already had a full plate.
NOW... I've got an acre and a half of land, a studio that im still fixing up, 4 human lives under my care, a box turtle, a red eared slider, an albino corn snake, and a cat.
Those guys all require a certain level of attention and time. (i'll hopefully be adding an emperor scorpion and more corn snakes to the family pretty soon, too ^.^)
Lets add some more to that, shall we? Ive taken on some smaller projects that are still in-the-running such as 'The Daring Adventures of Chip Lancer, Space Salesman!'... and SEVERAL YouTube shows like 'DOIN THINGS' and 'FOOD TIME'...
But what about personal things that aren't done just for the sake of showing people? Well I've also been tattooing myself and a select few other people, which on its own takes up a good chunk of time and since im not licensed or verified or anything like that, I don't charge people so no money or anything other than experience is gained by doing this... but im still doing it.
Lets do a list check real quick.
Filmmaker and animator, comic writer/artist, homeowner, father of 4 humans and 4 animals, handyman, food enthusiast, amateur tattoo artist.
Holy shit to do, Batman!
As if that weren't enough, I feel compelled to do EVEN FUCKING MOAR with my time and space!

As of right this moment im still working on clearing a space for an apiary (bee yard), im studying and soaking up all beekeeping knowledge I can find. Unfortunately there is no Beekeepers Association in my county and the nearest one is one of those half-assed ones that has very minimal information posted online... but im not letting that stop me.
I've already got the number of someone who collects swarms and I intend to shadow him around if possible to gather experience before starting my own hive, and if that doesn't pan out... i'll reach out to my neighbor as im told he has a history with raising bees. (this is last resort, not cuz hes unfriendly or anything, hes a great guy, but nobody wants a pesky neighbor bothering them asking for help all the time, and I don't want to be that guy.)
Next spring i'll also begin growing my own potatoes, onions and peppers in the field... gotta get the most of the land, man!
I'm even considering going back to raising chickens... Its generally easy (we had chickens when I was a kid and I hated the mean little bastards) and I know ive got the space for em.
So then I can add beekeeper, and homesteader to the list.
Well... how has this changed me?
It appears that being productive is like a drug. Not telling based on how I feel or anything, just looking at the trend of where I started and where I've ended up now.
Having "FUCK IT" as a life motto has been, well, productive. At least in my case anyway, as a creator.

I guess like a true addict I never really noticed how "bad" it all got until I took a step back and looked at myself, where ive come from and where I see myself going. If I wanted to be cheesy I'd talk about the light at the end of the tunnel and how the future looks bright, but to be honest I don't see an end of the tunnel cuz I really cant see myself stopping this. Not to say the present state is dark, the tunnel is well lit and I think they're even using those new LED lights cuz shit looks cray!
Any negative drawbacks?
Yeh, I guess so. I haven't really touched videogames in weeks. Which most of the elderly people will tell you is a good thing but I still miss them, I guess? I dunno, I had some time the other day and I turned my PS4 on, played like 5 minutes, got bored and turned it back off.
So it isn't really that I haven't the time or im too tired, they just don't grip me the way they used to.
Anywhich, more info on things as they happen!
If you wanna stay COMPLETELY up to date on all this then consider checking out my Patreon!